Careless Trails

Bury all the differences between us...

2006-07-13T00:22:00.000-04:00

You'd think I would have learned from all past experiences...

If there is one thing that can end a relationship it is the lack of trust. Think about it...the stem of almost all arguments is the lack of trust...

"Where were you tonight?" - I don't trust you enough to know that you weren't doing anything you know you shouldn't be...

"Why were you with him?" - I don't trust you enought to know that you were with him because you are friends with him..."

"Don't ever say 'I love you' to anyone else again" - I don't trust you enough to know that you only mean it as a friend, and you only truly love me.

And baybee...I'm sorry for all my past 'jealousies' and flare-ups. I have absolutely no reason not to trust you. You have never done anything to break that trust. Far be it from me to let the jealous rage churn inside of me ever again...

I don't want anything to come between us, and I DEFINENTLY don't want that "thing" to be myself. I love you so much, and I TRUST you. With all my heart.

I always said that...but I don't think I really belived it until tonight. And I'm asking for your forgiveness. All those stupid arguments were solely my fault. And I am sorry. So very sorry.

I always blamed it on my Italian temper....but I'm coming to realize it was my human stupidity. Kind of funny, when you think about it.

I love you, kid. Forever and always...may are next "confrontation" be years away...

~011606~<3

.gOtti

Googles getting jealous...

2006-06-22T01:40:00.000-04:00

Where the hell did this myspace thing come from? One day it's a small web design firm, and the next day, it's a hangout for teen-beat scene kids and 40 year old child moletstors...

That's fine and well...but there are a few things that royally piss me off about this damn site...

I have seen the BIGGEST increase EVER in "Gays and Lesbians" because of that fucking site. One of my friends turned "Gay" because the "scene Myspace girls" thought it was "HxC HoTt." What the hell?!

Are you a guy? Do you enjoy taking it up the ass (Not over the internet...)? No? You don't? YOUR NOT GAY! SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. (Pardon the pun...I have to stop doing that. I'm cracking myself up.)

And the "Lesbians"... don't get me started. Hollywood has set up America for the biggest dissapointment. Watch two dykes going at it in a hollywood blockbuster. Every guy in a 5 mile vicinity is pitching a tent. Why? Because they're hot! Look at these kids on myspace, and it looks like a cross between Free Willy and Fight Club...

Disgusting!

Then theres the infamous "bulletins." I just read one...and I was instructed to repost it or my Dad would die in 300 seconds...

Be right back...

Nope...hes still playing Jezzball.

How does a mass message from a 13 year have any correlation with my Fathers well being? It doesn't!

And I love the "You wont be laid until your 46!" What if I already have been?! Is that some anomoly or paradox in the Myspace unwritten code? Have I cheated the bulletin god?

The bulletin board is for posting important messages or, I'll go as far as to say, entertaining surveys ('sup Renee? :D) Next time My life is threatened I'm calling the fucking Cops...

Myspace whores. I know a few of these. You see them in school. Straight A's...never had a boyfriend...pants up to their chest...glasses...whiny voices...

Then on myspace. They're Sally McSlut! They get laid every night! They're the hottest thing since sliced bread! The fucking POSES in their pictures are DISGUSTING!! Then they go back to school...and do their work with the travel pack of Kleenex in their A&E bookbag.

Moving back to bulletins...I HATE when people BEG for comments...Bitch, if you have 2135 friends, and you STILL have to ask for comments, take a LONG walk on a short pier. And for those of you who have 13252 friends and know of them, fuck you.

Another biggie is the use of buddy icons as pictures. The picture section is so the 40 year old men know who they're trying to rape. It's for pictures of YOU. Not scooby doo, not TBS lyrical icons, and not pictures of your FUCKING CAR!

Emo kids. (Sorry baybee!! I have too...it'd be wrong not to bring this up) I am SO tired of hearing how much you hate life. I'm tired of hearing about how your heart is broken. You got dumped? I'm allotting you two weeks bitching time. After that, move on. You hate your house? Get out...take a walk...get a friend (They're nice to have around) Hate your parents? Tough.

Let me go back to pictures. If you DO post a picture of yourself...don't do one of the following: DONT use an EXTREME angle, so EXTREME that it is EXTREMELY difficult to make out where your left eye is. DONT use the "Gaussian Blur" filter more than twice. DONT zoom in on your boobs. DONT take a picture of you sleeping, because if your taking the picture, your not sleeping, and that makes you a loser. Mirror shots are okay, but DONT hold up the peace sign. Expecially if you're white. This ain't the 70's anymore. And finally, DONT post the SAME picture three times, one black and white, one color, and one Sepia tone. No one cares.

Poser people. I know one of these personally, and I want to smack her twice. Last week she was "Preppie" and had Bowling for Soup as her background music, with a picture of a flower in the background. Shortly before that, some assinine TI song was playing with the New York skyline prominently displayed. Before that, Demon Hunter was playing with a graveyard in the background, and at a DIFFERENT time, TBS was playing with some broken heart bullshit in the background. PICK A STEREOTYPE, AND DIE WITH IT!

ii haTe peeOple thAtt typee Liike thiis. STOOPPP iiTT!! It probably takes more time to type that than it takes for people to get pissed off at you and stop reading what you wrote. Faggot.

In closing, fuck off.

I love you, Renee. <3

-gOtti

Feeling Like We're Gold...

2006-06-12T17:29:00.000-04:00

♥♥ ♥♥

♥♥ ♥♥

LIFE IS GREAT!

♥RenéeLynn♥

♥

Oh That This Too, Too Solid Flesh Would Melt...

2006-06-06T22:01:00.000-04:00

I have so much to rant on about that I'm fairly sure this will be the most unorganized collection of thoughts ever seen on the internet. But hey...it's good to get the thoughts out...no matter how sporadic or random they are...right? Otherwise, whats the good of this blog thing?

Sporadic thought number one...why is Google taking over the world? I mean really...they have everything! They're even developping their own operating system. It's kinda freaky that a search engine is becomming so big...you realize they have access to everything we search for? (Which, by the way, they were forced to give for the government. Why does Bush care what I'm searching for?) Anyway...yeah...our freedoms to privacy are slowly but surely slipping away.

On a lighter note...we're still in Iraq! That wasn't a lighter note...

A Flat. That's a light note. Or G Sharp. I like them both.

I have long known that people run their mouths about stuff they shouldn't. But only today I heard a new excuse for it. "It's all true." Maybe I over analyze stuff...but that made me laugh. Who cares if it's all true! Just because it's true doesn't mean we want everyone and their mother knowing about it! "Oh...it's not true...I'll take it back." How stupid can you get? That was the most moronic thing I've heard in awhile. You get a Red Ribbon...jackass.

I like Hippos. Hi Humphrey.

I'm in love with ReneeLynnEly. RLE for short. RLE could also stand for Really Long Entrails. That's amazing. Who doesn't love really long entrails?

I need sleep. Badly.

Oh! Oh! Oh! I think I BOMBED my english final! Who the hell is Gilgamesh?! Eenie Meenie Minee Moe....

My mom's yelling at me.

I'm graduating in two days.

I love Renee.

A lot.

I'm done.

.gOtti

They give you a pill, remove your heart, and replace it with a battery.

2006-06-04T00:30:00.000-04:00

ADD (n.) (abbr) - Attention Deficit Disorder.

Wow...Webster really screwed this one up. He forgot freak, idiot, moron, and dumbass.

To most people this probably doesn't seem like a big deal...yeah...a lot of people have it. But trust me, as SOON as you tell someone about it...they look at you differently. And I don't care how small the difference is...it hurts like hell.

Before people know about this ... curse...they think (in my case, at least...) your a fun, spontaneous, random, humorous guy. Tell them you have this "disorder" and you turn into a freak with the mentality of a toddler and the attention span of a newborn.

"Did you take your medicine?" or "You didn't take your medicine, did you?" You wannah make me feel like shit? Go ahead and ask me one of those two questions. Theres no better way to tell me that I'm an idiot, and you can tell.

You know when it hurts even more? When I DID take the damn pill, and you still find me to be an incoherent idiot. Why would that hurt more? Well lets see...I took the medicine, so I can't blame my "condition" on ADD. So what do I blame it on? I blame it on me. This is just how I am...and I find it slightly amusing, but moreso hurtful that people are increasingly beginning to have a problem with that.

In most cases, I just consider the source of these comments. But sometimes it kills me to consider the source...when that "source" is someone close to me. It kills me inside to know that I'm going to be accepted by them a little bit less because I have a chemical-fucking-imbalance.

When your diagnosed...you aren't just diagnosed with a simple, common disorder. You're diagnosed with the dependancy on a fucking pill to be socially accepted.

But it's "not [my] fault I can't pay attention to some things..." no...it's my fucking brains fault. That makes me feel so much better. Thanks for the reassurance.

I don't want anyones fucking pity, either. So don't take this as a cry for attention. This is just me venting. I'm trying to make it abundantly clear that I don't want to be seen as different, so special treatment makes it all the more painful. (Treatment such as "moving me to the front row away from windows" [Thanks, Mom!] or "not talk[ing] to Gotti, he needs to concentrate before his ADD kicks in" [Thanks, friends!]

Im done.

.fReak

And We're Nothing Short of Invincible...

2006-06-03T22:13:00.000-04:00

Ladies and Gentleman, I present - my Better Half.

I don't know about the meaning of life, but this girl right here is my reason for life. When we're apart it feels like a part of me is missing, like I'm not whole...and when we're reunited, I come to life. God, I love you baby! With all my heart!

I'm not going to make any bold assertations or predictions, but when I dream about what I want my future to be, Renee is always in it, standing there right next to me.

I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

Even if we're not married yet, that still holds true. I love you Renee!!!

< 011606 3

.gOtti

All Is Quiet in the Dusty Alleyways...

2006-06-03T13:10:00.000-04:00

There is no news today, or anything interesting to ramble on about.

As such, I really had no reason to press "Add Post"

But boredom called.

By the way, the title of this post comes from a Project 86 song...NOT a demon hunter song, as some mental derelects (h-e-e-e-e-m-p) assumed. Idioto! You sneaky fudking bandstitch!

And I just hung up with boredom. I've had better conversations with fire-hydrants.

...that is all.

.gOtti

If you pull the trigger...

2006-06-01T00:25:00.000-04:00

Wow. It's amazing how God decides to wait until life is at its worst to pick you up, and give you (almost) a fresh start. All that worrying that I've been rambling on about in my past posts, is over. I would like to personally take this time to publically thank God for bringing me through that time, and I don't care what anyone out there has to say about that. If nothing else He was someone to talk to, and that brought me comfort beyond words.

So many times before has this happened...something bad (although not nearly comparing to this recent experience) would happen, and I would pray about it, it would end, and I'd forget about God, and carry on like nothing ever happened. Call me a Jesus freak, but I don't want that to happen again. [For those few who know what I'm talking about] This wasn't a mere coincidence...a lot of prayer went up, and God delivered...all thanks is to Him...and never before has it been so clear to me how real He is...

[You know who you are] I hope you too realize what has happened. You say you cannot deny His existence anymore, and I truly hope you mean that. I hope you know what I mean when I talk about Him as a comfort. He's not some imaginary figure in the sky used to explain the unexplainable. He's God...and he listens when we talk. I know you hate when I get like this...but I've been trying to get through to you, and I feel this is my chance. I think you can finally see what I mean.

But yeah...I can calmly sleep at night now. That is SUCH a good feeling. Everything seems brighter now...I can ENJOY life...and I don't have to worry about being haunted by my past for the rest of my life. Consider this a life lesson, one that won't soon be forgotten.

Okay...this is my post for the day...although it's technically tomorrow...since it's 12:31. Whatever...I'ma shutup so I can call Renee <3. I don't want my face eaten off again. (I love you, girl!)

...If you pull the trigger, you'll miss the rising sun..."

.gOtti

Burn the Corporate Ladder

2006-05-30T21:52:00.000-04:00

I was going to try and limit myself to one post a night, but I thought that this topic needed some serious addressing...and what might that topic be? Shoprite. Yes...my wonderful career choice. (Please...that is dripping with sarcasm...)

Let me run you through my job history. Don't worry...it's short. At age 15 I applied at ACME. That was a HUGE mistake, because it sent me on the (quite obviously) downward spiral to hell. Let me fill you in on a few things you may not know about your friendly grocery store cashiers.

You may complain that it's either "too hot" in the building, and you can't wait to get out, or maybe the lines are too long, but you are forgetting...the most you're going to wait in line is 15 minutes. Ok? Us cashiers are standing behind that beeping box for HOURS. So please, save the bickering and complaining for the wife and kids.
WE DON'T "CHARGE" YOU FOR ANYTHING! I am SO tired of being asked, "Why did you charge me $6.99 for my collard greens?!" ... "Excuse me ma'am, but the MACHINE rung them up at $6.99, which is the price PROMINENTLY displayed on the SIGN above the COLLARD GREENS. I have nothing to do with it, besides making it go beep. Have a problem? Take it up...your ass. I don't care.
We DO NOT know the prices of EVERY ITEM IN THE STORE! If one more person holds up a can of "Extra Juicy Virgin Olive Oil imported from Bangladesh, and asks "How much is this?" ... I will kill them. Okay?! Please stop doing that.
If you don't have enough money, life sucks for you. I'm tired of ringing everything up, and giving the total. "Okay ma'am, your total today is $16.74 ::fake smile::" ... ::Blank stare:: ... "But I only have 10 dollars." ... What do you want me to do about that?! What the HELL can I possibly do to help you there? Oh, okay...well I'll just give you the $6.74 out of the kindness of my own heart. NOT LIKELY. More like..."What do you want me to take off, ma'am..."

But enough about us...we really love our jobs...trust me. But here are a few more common complaints. And I experienced almost all of them tonight. So I'll be able to give examples!

Complaint number 1: Stupid questions. I'm standing in Aisle 2 (The Water Aisle...it says "Water" at the top of the aisle) And some nice looking lady comes up to me. "Excuuussseee me sirrrr?...Do you work here?" ... "No, bitch. I wear this Shoprite uniform because I think I look sexy in it...and it's also good for my skin." Oh, but it doesn't end there. After a nice sweet, fake smile, and a "Yes, ma'am!" She asks...."Where is your water?" ... I looked around in absolute amazement. But of course, the customer is always right, so I figured I must be wrong. "Well, ma'am, I THINK it's in aisle 2. Oh! Whattayaknow! Right here!" And I start to walk away. "Siiirrrr? Wheres your OTHER water?" ... I'm trying to be nice here guys...but what the fuck is the "other water?" ::Cheezy commercial music:: "Tired of that nice, clean, fresh Pocono Springs Spring water? So were we...so we invented, the OtherWater! ... Take a nice swip of urine infested, stale tap water! The OtherWater...not for the average Joe!" ...

Complaint number 2: Sneaky bastards. I'm at my register, which is about to close so I can go home. Let me explain something. When the person in charge tells you to go home, you get a quick blast of euphoria. So I'm feeling generous...so much so that when a nice looking middle-aged gentlemen held up three bananas and said "Can you take me real quick?" I'm thinking to myself..."Three things? Sure!" ... So I say..."Three things? Sure!" ... And he holds up his finger signaling "One second..." and proceeds to haul two filled carts into my line. That bastard! I coulda killed him. But what could I do? ::Smile:: Do you have any coupons today sir? ::youfuckingpieceoffuckingshit::

Complaint number 3: The walkaways. I'm at my register...and this lady comes up...plops a couple of things down...and walks away. Then she comes back...plops a few more down, and walks away. This happens two more times...and I was so pissed I just moved her shit into a cart and reopened my line. Needless to say, she was pissed. Oh well, I got my jollies out of it.

And my last complaint isnt about the customers! No! It's about the company. Supposedly there is "Plenty of Room for Promotion!" ... What could I possibly be promoted to?! Head cashier!? Yess!!! I can make more things beep than you can! Woosah!

I hate my job. They fired the two people that made me kinda like it. Now it is the most mundane, boring, dead end, suicide inducing job on the planet.

...And that's youuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr shoprite! Always fresh unless it's for less! Shoprite, partners in sucking...

(By the way...I'm not joking. Don't buy discount hoagies. They are FAR from fresh.)

.gOtti

Who said these were the best days?

2006-05-30T14:38:00.001-04:00

I'm so tired of sitting in school...can we just get it over with already? I mean we go in there...EVERY ONE of our teachers says "Be quiet and find something to do." Easy for you to say sitting in front of your computer with a nice fan blowing in your face. We're in the scolding, stifiling heat with nothing but a desk and ... a desk. Thankfully I have A.D.D...that makes things SOO much easier in these types of situations.

Graduation is in 10 days. Thankfully, my last day of school is next tuesday...I think... anyway...that WAY too long to wait...I just want summer to be here. And for the first time in six years, I won't have any summer reading to do. I can actually relax (aside from work) and get mentally prepared to read one book a week in college! Woo! Can't wait for that.

While I'm on the topic of college, I thought I would ask a question everyone wonders, but no one knows. Why is it that a foreign language is required for every major except business. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but wouldn't I be more prone to use french if I was a head executive for Microsoft (God forbid...) assisting a french-speaking client, than if I'm sitting in an art studio in New York? I thought so too...you need to know foreign languages in the business world. Not the art world. But for some reason, I need to to know french in order to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Arts...(redundant degree, isn't it?)

Speaking of redundancy...wait...I already ranted about school.

So I'm still worried sick about that. But I'm confident that no matter what happens, everything will turn out ok, as long as I have those who I love most around me...and as long as the choice is mine, we'll never be seperated...

Something was said (or texted) to me last night that really brightened my day, and days to come. You know who you are. I'm so happy you made that decision, as small or as big as it may seem to you...I'm here for you always...I love you! (Well, we all know who I'm talking to now...don't we? Oh, well...I love you Renee...)

Okay...I have work in a very short amount of time...I hate that "job," but I'll save that for another post. Thanks for reading...again. Sorry if I wasted your time...

.gOtti

Getting started...

2006-05-29T12:17:00.000-04:00

Since I never expect anyone important to ever stumble across this little section of the internet, I guess I don't really have to be careful about what I throw up here...well, within reason...

Over the past few weeks life has gotten hectic, almost to the point of becoming out of control. And usually when most people say this, towards the end of the school year, they're referring to the "stresses" of graduation and finals. (I use the term "stress" very loosely here.) To be honest with you, nothing is farther from my mind then the aforementioned. I made it through another year of school, now I have to fail a few more tests, and walk across a stage. Big deal...life, for me at least, has a lot more important things in it to be worrying about.

You ever do something and then really, really regret it afterwards? I think I may be in that situation. I'm not completely sure, however, because I only regret it because, in a way, I might have gotten "caught." I'm praying that this doesn't happen to me, though. Not now. On the other side of the coin, I am so happy that this happened. Eventually everyone goes through it...I'm just glad I'm going through it with her...

So what else does one do on one of these "blogs?" Complain about the mundane lives they lead? Because I could go on for a VERY long time about that. I mean, think about it. Lets go through a typical week. Starting with sunday, for me at least, I wake up at 8. Go to church untul 12:30-1:00. Then I go to work at 3. Then I come home and go to sleep. This leaves me with around 2 hours to relax...ALL DAY. Then theres Monday through thursday, where we wake up at 6, go to school, come home, and go to work. Repeat. On friday, for most people, it's a nice break in this monotonous trend. Not me, though. Nope...I have work again on fridays. And saturdays...usually 3-10. That cuts out the bulk of the day, rendering it entirely useless. When you think about it, life sucks.

Once again, however, I can make it because of her. Shes the reason I wake up, and go through all this ridiculous nonsense. She's all I look forward to anymore. I love you, Renee...with all I got. And although it's not much, it's yours.

Okay, I think that's enough for a first blog. I'm gonnah shutup so I can go see Renee...

.gOtti